Holly Short: The Suburbs of Haven
by Trouble Kelp
Summary: Holly goes to work, for just another day, which turns out to be qutie eventful when her home gets shot up while she is at work. That leads to a trip to the shopping mall. A totally random oneshot. [HollyTrouble]COMPLETE


**Disclaimer:** **I do not own anything owned by anyone else. I do not own the characters owned by Eoin Colfer (or anything else he owns).**

(A/N:Title sucks I know. I wrote this ages ago but it was a songfic and got removed before I even read that notice about songfics. So it isn't a songfic anymore. It's a oneshot, no lyrics. HollyTrouble pairing. Please review. It should be good enough without the lyrics. If it isn't I had no right to post it in the first place. So no moaning on my part.)

Holly Short: The Suburbs of Haven

Holly strode down the street, not really watching where she was going. What was the point? All she had to do was follow the the crowd. It always pushed her in the right direction. That was where they were all going – to complain at Police Plaza.

Of course she got pushed around as well. The dull green LEPrecon jumpsuit did not earn any respect anymore. She just got pushed around and abused.

Whenever she drew her buzz baton and said 'Excuse me civilian's you are obstructing Police business' they paid no attention to her. So she proceeded to push her way through the crowd with pure strength.

**_  
_**This is my job though. I have to do this. It is the only thing I am good at. I could be a commercial piolet – but civilians don't like it when their pilots core dive for some odd reason. They probaby wouldn't even consider me now. Every since I got that suspention for two weeks – but I got a record that time, so it doesn't matter.

I like to be different. Not to break the law. Why would I want to be a LEPrecon officer if I enjoyed breaking the law. Commander Root would have me out of there in 10 seconds flat. I like being the only girl in recon – I just wish Root wasn't so sexist. But I'm different – I inject just that little bit of optimism, skill, and belief in myself. Unlike all those gnomes who take two lanes who just want to complain.

Holly was a fierce feminist – she believed in the power of the female. Not to say she believed in the power of blond bimbo's like Lili Frond, just that she believed that when a girl whos head was not a blancmange she set her mind to something she would be perfectly capable of achieving this, to the same or to a better standard than the men.

She did not hesitate in informing the male LEP officers of this. Or anyone who called her a 'girl' or a 'girly'. Take 'Commandant Teryl' for example. What is little known is that shortly after the events with Artemis Fowl and co. were over, when Haven was returning to a state of normality she paid a little 'visit' to Commandant Teryl and gave him a piece of her mind. No physical contact of course – but the words alone were enough to send him hiding to cower under his bed for a couple of days afterwards. Unfortunately he recovered soon after and was back to his usual arrogant self. Thinking that he could change the world by obstructing LEP officers. He could change the world of course. He could get one more arrogant being that obstructs the LEP thrown in jail – namely: himself.

Holly always spoke her mind. She always spoke clearly and she didn't hesitate in trying to make the suburbs of Haven safer for all innocent little fairies (the few who are innocent).

She didn't hesistate in telling a few of those gnomes what she thought of them as she was walking towards Police Plaza.

'Phew – nearly there' she muttered under her breath as she neared the doors to Police Plaza. Then she could finally raise the reflective visor of her helmet (or take it off) and not have to pretend to ignore those goblins moaning about their 'innocent' offspring. **__**

Holly scowled as she looked at the big imposing gates of the mansions in Haven's City Centre. Technically they were big apartment blocks, but everyone called them the mansions because they cost about as much as a mansion in the country cost to buy – and that was just for one week's rent for one apartment. Needless to say only the very rich lived here.

She finally reached police plaza and went through the doors. Only to walk into the beetroot face of her commander.

'Short you are FIVE SECONDS LATE. AGAIN!' he yelled at her, 'and I don't need this when I have to go and pay my rates as well,' he muttered barely audibly as an afterthought.

'Sorry Commander,' Holly mumbled, 'Just taking care of that arrogant gnome out there.'

'Well get up five seconds earlier then Short, if you want to do that,' he stated, scowling.

Holly was spared further lectures by Lili Frond and a couple of her bimbo mates pulling up in a pink car with personalised plates. They proceeded to park in a spot marked 'CIVILIANS ONLY' so Commander Root stormed outside and Holly moved to her cubicle. She did not want to be around when Root started yelling.

Grub Kelp was showing everyone pictures of his wife (no one really knew how he managed to get a wife – bets were that she complained as much as him if it were possibe. They both still lived with Grub's mummy.) in the particular picture Holly saw she was wearing a lace dress an collecting her mail. Trouble was apparently there at this time, and was going a shade of red to match Roots complexion as he muttered to Grub to shut up about the fact he had been there to help his mother with the gardening.

Holly already knew that Trouble was gardening – Trouble didn't know this of course. But Holly had recently moved in to the apartment next to Trouble's and had heard him laughing with his mate about his brother taking a photo of his wife getting mail. Grub was at Trouble's apartment too and he piped up 'But you had fun gardening, right Trouble?' She could almost feel Trouble going red through the wall and she knew that both her and the person on the end of the phone were grinning and cracking up.

Crap. I decided. That's all the that the mindless drivel and complaints that come from civilians are. Total and utter crap. I wish I could expose this too them. They have better paying jobs than the LEP; yet they still expect us to do their dirty work.

I can't help cracking up though. Private Verbal has come up with yet another way to try and get me to go out with him. He has pursuaded his younger brother to come into work and perform a rap song for me. Embarrassing for me yes. But seeing everyone crack up at an even more embarrased Chix is worth it – of course I would never go out with that arrogant sprite; he simply provides an odd way of asking me to go out with him everyday. This gives me someone to hit and say no to almost daily. Except on the days he is too embarrased to come to work.

I love this line of work, watching the light of the sun go down, using artificial lights. And managing to go topside on the odd occasion. Such as tonight.

'Short, get in here,' Commander Root calls to me and I enter his office, praying he will not start yelling at me again for being five seconds late.

As it turns out I have an above-ground assignment. A simple assignment sure. But it works, and I will get to spend a couple of hours above ground. Simply an unshielded goblin. I will find him, and bring him back. Simple. Not even a block wipe necessary. No humans wander around Antarctica at this time of year. Not even Artemis Fowl.

When Holly arrived at the surface she took in some deep breaths and thought of what she would do to make the world more beautiful. She was no artist, but compared to the Mud Men she was. Her style was free, she would just make everything simple, with odd pockets of action for her. She would make the globe the same, there would not be complications of civilians grumbling. She thought Haven was pretty simple – she knew Haven would always be her home.

She thought about the good points of Haven. There were no Mud Men. That was good – children could be left alone from birth, they did not to be babysat and played with. The explination for this is the fact that fairys are literate from birth and are born with fully formed muscles. They may only be 15 centimetres high – but they pack a punch (so to speak). There were nearly no homeless – the LEP had no tolerance for this, and unlike some Mud Man cities they could control whether it was possible for people to be homeless.

Holly would not change anything about Haven. She knew this. Yet she stil wished she could go above ground without the treat of Mud Men.

Then she saw the goblin. After this there was no time for thought.

Holly landed, and walked slowly up behind the goblin. If it had been a warmer climate she would have shot it from the air then retrieved it, however at -50°C neutrino blasts tended to freeze before they hit their victims. So she walked up to the dominant creature in her life at the time and shot him with a tranquiliser. It would make him sick if she said just three words in gnomish. So she did.

Once Holly was out of the pod it took her less than thirty minutes to track the unshielded goblin and return to the awaiting shuttle.

Within two hours she was back at Police Plaza underground and settling down at her desk.

She knew that any male LEP officer would have spent another few hours above ground then paid the fine when he returned to Police Plaza. But not her, even though she would dearly have loved to. She was going to give the council no more ammunition to throw at her, she was counteracting their attempts to fire her – and so far she was doing very well.

She quickly read rights to the goblin who had by now regained conciousness and was throwing up all over the floor. It was reuired she read them in three languages. She did this with surprising speed. Still disgusted at the council's introducing this – convicts should have no rights. Two of the Commanders were fighting with the council, thinking they could change this. Root was wisely avoiding this battle. He knew once the council decided something it was final whether he liked it or not.

Holly could still not believe that those civilians that she very kindly did not arrest were still exercising their rights to freedom of speech and campaining for civil rights. Like they didn't already have enough. Even Mud Men and convicts had rights. It just wasn't right. But try telling the civilians this. They just thought that they were making the suburbs of Haven better.**_  
_**

Five minutes after Holly arrived a call came through, a cat was stuck up a tree. Holly could not believe that some of the People still kept cats. She supposed it was because a cat was one of the few animals that could survive below ground due to the pressure. But Holly thought keeping pet cat was cruel. The People weren't controlled by higher beings (unless you counted the council) why should they have the right to control cats?

It was just another one of those problems that were found everywhere in Haven.

Holly sighed as she walked towards where the cat was. You didn't even have to bother being quiet in Haven at night anymore, all the nocturnal fairy race were out, and they were not speaking quietly.

Whenever a couple of teenagers winked as you walked past you knew to duck. There were the drunk idiots in bars, thinking that drink made the night come alive. And they did not hesitate in telling everyone this. Holly arrested six of these such fairy's for breaching the alcohol ban on her three minutes walk back to Police Plaza.

When back at Police Plaza Holly sighed as she slipped into her cuibicle and was finally alone to review her paper-work.As she was on review she had to keep a constant watch. Fake cases were slipped into her intray and she was expected to spot these and report them to her Commander. So far she had found 100 of them, and as she was only expected to have a 50 catch rate she was doing extremely well. The council were determind to get ammunition against her, so they made them harder and harder to find. Trouble had told her that Root said he would refuse to give her these once she reached 100 without fail.

She sighed as she picked up her 100th fake report. A sprite jumping off a skyscraper in Whakatane. Didn't they know that there were noo sky-scrapers there. She knew for a fact the this sprite had jumped off a skyscraper in New York. Trouble had told her all about the mess he and the boys had to clean up – only the day before at lunch time.

Commander Root knew that Holly had the skills to stay in Recon. This was what he was trying to pusuade the council of when Holly knocked on the door to his office to report the 100th fake case. He was trying to pursuade the council that Holly should still be a part of his squad that was the foundation of Haven

Holly knocked on the door. 'Come in,' said Root.

When Holly had expained the situation to Root he might as well have been a Beetroot. He shouted down the telephone do the Council – told then that he refused to review the fitness of this Captain anymore – that she had always done a great job (with the exception of the Hamburg thing), even recovering half the ransom gold – without Captain Short Recon would not be the same.

It took only five minutes for Root to pursaude the Council on this matter, then, with a hint of a smile on his face he turned to Captain Short, 'Congratulations Captain – you are no longer under review.'

It was at the precise moment that the clocks decided to strike midnight on the surface, and Holly felt that from now on, since she was no longer on review, that she wouldturn over a new leaf. Not to say that she would change anything about herself – only the fact that she was always late – maybe she would buzz a few more gnomes on her way to work.

I was happy – this was the understatement of the year, also something that didn't happen very often. I almost skipped my way to the main food provider in my life. Foaly had programmed this particular vending machine just to annoy me. All I had to do was put in the right amount of gold (the machine would test my DNA to make sure it was me) then it would spit out a NutriShake ® - the only thing I ever eat for lunch at Police Plaza. Of course if anyone else came in contact with gold I had touched they would get a NutriShake ® when they put this gold in this particuar machine. Needless to say everyone but me hated this machine. And everyone thought that complaining to Foaly would get him to change this.

_**  
**_

Of course Foaly knew no one could stop him from doing this. He had freedom to do whatever he wanted to every piece of machinery in Police Plaza. The Council knew that if they didn't let Foaly do this he would do nothing for the People of Haven.

Holly decided to walk into the Ops Booth to see Foaly and have a chuckle with him about the vending machine. Grub had yet again forgotten about Foaly's tampering and ended up with his least favourite meal. He had collapsed in a heap of sobs by the machine.

'Holly you need to see this,' said Foaly, sounding serious for once.

He had brought up a view of her home on his moniter. The amazing thing about these camera's was that they came complete with sight, sound, and smell.

And on this screen Holly could see (and smell and hear) a ragged clothed gnome looting her home and shooting it up with a softnose redboy laser.

Holly knew this would be the end of most of her possessions. At least her landlord would have to pay for the damage – not having rovided adequate security precautions.

At that moment Trouble burst into the room – trying to escape from a complaining Grub probably. He took one look at the screen – looked at Holly's shocked face and pulled his Neutrino 2000 out of its holster.

'I'm going down there Holly,' he said 'If I can't save your apartment I might be able to save mine – you can bunk at my place if you want.'

With that he was out the door and a shaken Holly was left in the Ops booth with Foaly.

A second later Holly had pulled out her gun and was about to follow Trouble when Foaly pointed out to her she would be of more use here to explain the situation to Root. 'Why do I get left with that job?' she muttered under her breath. Then left to inform the Commander and get back to her paper work.

His response was as Holly could expect it – but he approved that she had not gone with Trouble, he wanted her here to complete her paper work.

"What is it with that darned paperwork?" thought Holly miserably.

Finally the work day had finished, Holly had walked home not in any great rush. She nearly arrested the young hoons that she saw driving at 1km over the speed limit, but she didn't have the heart. Not that she minded spending the night with Trouble in the slightest (as long as steamed courgettes (Grubs favourite food) were not on the menu).

Holly nodded at the old man who always sat on the front steps of her apartment block, then slipped going up the steps to her apartment (very rarely did fairy's have lifts in apartment blocks – they preferred to climb stairs) but found a steadying hand on her elbow. She was about to shrug off the hand but looked up and saw it was Trouble. She accepted his help graciously and walked with him in slience towards her apartment, knowing what she would find.

The door was swinging on its hinges with several holes in it. She nearly fainted when she was what was inside. Nearly. There were several forensics examining the scene. It looked as though a bomb had hit it. Literally. There was absolutely nothing that was not wrecked. Messy chic was of course the new fashion. But this was taking it too far.

Holly gave a slight chuckle as two interns started having a cat fight, then Trouble led her away.

Trouble sat her down then ran to answer the ringing telephone. Holly was not eavesdropping but she distinctly heard him say to whoever was on the other end of the phone 'Nah mate, I got other things on tonight. Sorry.'

The ever exuberent Trouble then asked Holly whether she wanted to listen to music. When she agreed Trouble proceeded to put on some rap all the way from the small mud man country: New Zealand.

'Oh gosh! Trouble?' Holly almost screamed.

'What is it Holly?' asked Trouble, concerened.

'It's just that im going to need to go shopping (her face contorted as she spat out the word), since all my stuff was destroyed…'

'I can tell you don't like shopping. Come on then. You need to borrow some gold?'

'No, thanks anyway, I just need to go to an ATM.'

After a half hour wait to use the ATM Holly and Trouble moved around Haven's largest mall as quickly as they could, getting everything Holly would need to survive the next few weeks until her insurance gold came through.

Trouble almost had to drag Holly into some of the shops, she was a most reluctant shopper.

Trouble had resolved to buy Holly a present – just to be nice. He deliberated for a while over a skirt, then decided better of it and purchased a t-shirt stating 'WARNING: HIGHLY FLAMMABLE FEMALE!'.

After a quick game of virtual water skiing (arcade games are mcuh better in Haven, thanks again to Foaly – you can use all five senses and feel as though you have been transported to the place of the game) the pair ate dinner in the food court, opting for fish and chips. After the meal Trouble gave Holly her shirt. Needless to say she loved it.

It took them another hour to force their way out of the shopping mall, and they were only spared from the throng of females with painted nails by their LEP jumpsuits which they were still wearing. It was surprising what lengths (sratching, biting) some of these females went to in order to get a bargin. Last year there had even been a murder for a pair of 90 off jeans.

Holly and Trouble laughed to themselves – they knew that half of these shopaholics would be back tommorow looking for a bargin.

_**  
**_

Holly and Trouble continued on their way back to Trouble's apartment, it was a long walk.

'You know,' said Holly, 'why do we always have to walk? I'm sick of it.'

'Well then lets run,' replied Trouble.

The pair began to run. This was the kind of thing you did not see the residents of Haven doing that often. It was oddly satisfying. Soon half of Haven was running along with them.

When they reached Trouble's apartment they collapsed into fits of laughter.

They were both extremely elated. They didn't care about the trouble they would be in with Root the next day if he found out if was them that initiated the running fit in Haven. The suburbs of Haven needed some more fun.

Having recovered from their fits of laughter Holly and Trouble made a sloppy bed up for Holly on Trouble's couch – talking quietly.**_  
_**

'You know,' said Holly quietly, 'we should bring our _favourite_ mud boy down here sometime.'

'Yea, we should,' replied Trouble, 'a little shopping trip to the mall would certainly throw him. And I bet he's never done anything quite as fortuitous as starting a running spree in the largest city under the world.'

'Trouble – thanks for everything, losing all my stuff and that would have been so much harder if you hadn't helped me. So thanks,' murmured Holly.

'Anytime,' whispered Trouble simply, leaning over and kissing her.

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(A/N: well there you go – it was 12 pages and now it is ten. Hope anyone who read it liked it. The fact that it was a songfic should explain the utter randomness of it. But like I said. It should be good enough without the lyrics. If it isn't I had no right to post it in the first place.)


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